does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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