my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
