i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
