Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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