i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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