so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
