that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
