i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
