giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
