shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
