shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
