it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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