I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
