They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
