She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
