Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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