How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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