tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
