I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize