Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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