she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
