i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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