After last night, I could never be a politician.
Someone shit on the floor
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
