he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize