like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
third nipple confirmed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
