so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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