dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
