It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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