Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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