I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
