Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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