between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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