so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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