Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize