we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
