How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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