Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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