I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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