Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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