If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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