Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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