She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
