He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How naked do you want me to be?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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