I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
