i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
