Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
