I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
