Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
