Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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