its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
