Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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