Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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