i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
