know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
