she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
