I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
