life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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