I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
