Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
