bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
