the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
