we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize