Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
