Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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