All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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