My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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