You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
