I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
