i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
