From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
