considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
