this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
