He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
