see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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