wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
