Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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