her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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